Insights into a seasoned father
We learn so much from our father everyday… so we decided to share.
1. Knowing that so many children grow up without a father in the home, what is the importance of a father in the home?
The Black father is one vital component that completes and give balance to the black family. The Koran says that we are made from a single essence, and from that essence we are made into pairs and mates of the same kind. 360 degrees, 180 from woman and 180 from the man. It makes it infinite, and attunes it with God consciousness.
There’s a Water cycle, a menstrual cycle, a family cycle.
Man woman child. The 5% call it Zig Zag Zig
Father or man gives balance to the family. So many of our problems stem from not having balance. Yin-Yang.
2. Why 7 children?
We didn’t really plan on 7 children, after the two, however, it never seems too burdensome to us. We were adults we were committed to each other. We loved each other, we made love, she got pregnant, we had a baby, we worked out the family unit and made it work. We had to step up to the responsibility that God had placed on us. Allah never puts a burden on us beyond our ability to bear such difficulty. We never looked at it as an insurmountable feat. It was just more to organize. More to put in order. First law is motion, and then you need order. Otherwise you have chaos. Why did we stop at 7? We realized we had enough, and it’s time for others to work this out
Rules that have helped:
Each one teach one, and there a standard beyond which we do not go. General order number 3. All the children understood that they were responsible for one another.
Maintain command and control from top down, sharing role with the mother.
No division in the parent structure in relation to the children ever. As Allah is one, we are one.
3. How did you balance work, family life and your marriage ?
Study guide 4 is called The Struggle for Balance. As stated earlier, families need balance. As babies one of the first skills we gain is balance, standing, walking, running. Gravity is always pulling on you and there is always a force trying to take you out of the balance. Man and woman, being different, there’s a natural thing that make us complement one another so we have balance: yin / yang.
Some important tools for balance:
Keep calendar as a constant , set dates , deadlines , plans , time spent , write down what your doing.
Realize that with help of Allah you can do it all
Prioritize
I continue to learn and appreciate that there is no substitute for a good father in the home to provide balance. In truth, there is no substitute for a good mother in the home as well, truth be told. But as a father, you are the standard by which daughters judge men, and the standard by which sons judge themselves. The children are always watching what you are, and what you do.
5. Tips for new dads, as it may get hard at times to maintain the home.
Organize, organize, organize, and treat it like a science.
Maintain discipline at all times, children are always watching what you do, so be
Well mannered and discipline children help stabilize a marriage, less of an effort and more a pleasure to her. It affords your spouse with more time for you and herself
Lastly, learn to cook and clean, so in case you have to cover down due to sickness, work, or just tired, it is on point. It shows that you as a man can do anything.
6. What has been your most memorable moment so far?
As a father it was being able to open my home to my father in his later years. It’s the circle of life. I saw it as a responsibility and a blessing to clear some wrongs done as a child (smile). Payback for parent who did for you when you couldn’t do for yourself.
7. What is the hardest part of being a father so far ?
It is knowing that you are responsible for someone else and they look at you for their safely and guidance when they can’t do for themselves. The role of God. Huge post.
8. What is the best part about being a father?
It is being responsible for someone else. It puts in the role of God. We provide sustenance, we are beneficent. It is also a reward to be able to observe what good you put in, come out in the flesh. The bible calls it the” word” becoming flesh and dwelling among men. It’s reaping what you sow, the farmer who plants and yields fruits in due season. We get to put God consciousness into our children
Put love of self and one another and discipline into our children and produce the best adults. That’s the best part of being a father.
9. What can you tell me about your father? What have you learned from him that you can share with us?
My father was elder Jamaican Chinese Blackman born in Jamaica in the early part of the 20th century. He was an entrepreneur early as a shopkeeper then a Montego Bay night club owner. It was well know among the crowd in Montego Bay at that time. He then, in later years, migrated to the U.S. and worked hard to provide a life for us. He taught me about being responsible for others and how to carry a certain decorum at
10. If you could tell your children one word of advice, what would it be?
ISLAM
Hold on to your Islam. It is the solution to all of our difficulties. Both domestic and abroad. Raise your children in Islam. It’s the truth. So raise your children in the truth.
Take parenting and family life seriously. It like playing with high explosives. In the hand of a skilled operator, explosives can carve out a highway thru the mountains and lay beautiful road. But in the hands of a fool, explosives can cause irreparable damage and even the loss of life.
11. Having many children, was there a strain on your marriage? How did you keep the spark alive?
Set a bed time if your children are young. It helps you, and is necessary for children to develop a sense of order. Go on vacation, weekend getaways, we always made time for that. Cook together, go grocery shopping together. Leave the children home. One day the children will be on their own and you’ll be left with one another so spend the time getting to appreciate what you have.
Simple thing that mom and dad have is a CLOSED door. You learn as a child some etiquette. Knock and ask and wait to be, invited in. All teaching, all the time.
12. Before children, what were your goals and aspirations? Were you able to fulfill any of them? How much of your personal goals did you have to sacrifice?
Before having children I wanted to marry and have children. Very early I realized that the man, woman and child thing was God, in the flesh. So getting married and having children fulfilled that longing in my nature as a man. Some goals were adjusted due to family life. It’s a sort of sacrifice. It comes when you take others into consideration. Of course in our later years, entrepreneurship with my spouse is a plan and hoping to fulfill farm life was and is still a plan. Maybe now. 13. As your children grow and mature how have and had your parenting strategies grown and matured?
Some strategies remain the same: Rule with discipline and love. Freedom justice and equality, just like the God. Organization. Organization, Organization. No organization leads to chaos. But as you age, maybe you let them figure it out a little earlier. When very young you tell them and take the step with them. When they are older you watch them take the step.
Humbly submitted by Vernon Chin Muhammad
“Dad”
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